I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
