every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
