smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
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I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i now understand why vodka
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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