I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
