so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
