with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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