I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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