peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
