Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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