Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My feet surprised me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
