woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
