my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
