My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
