i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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