I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
