I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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