Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
