we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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