dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
