I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
