Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
