Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
