I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
