Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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