I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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