broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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