I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
