Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
