I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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