I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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