I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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