hell yes lets make some ravioli
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
