Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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