i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
