Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
