moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize