I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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