Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
