Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
