its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
