I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
there is glitter all over my balls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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