what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
