Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
