if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want a musical about memes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize