whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
