it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
