actually, I'm a sock model
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
