the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
