she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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