She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
