and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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