every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
