you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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