either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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