Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
