at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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