So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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