Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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