I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
