You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Will you blow on my dice?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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