Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Someone came in the potted fern
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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