You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
