her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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