So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
