I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize