Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
