Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
