Capitaan dildo arrescate!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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