I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
