I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
