And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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