Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
