My hand turned me down
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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