im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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