you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
