Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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