I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
