My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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