You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
