I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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