im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
